The other day I caught myself watching the tennis. It was only for about ten minutes until I came to my senses – I’ve never really seen the point in watching sport. Playing is fine (especially sponge tennis, which has to be one of the best games ever invented) but watching it, no.
But anyway, it was the match between Errani (who made the noise “heeeh!” every time she hit the ball) and Radwanska (“hurrh!”). It occurred to me that if I was playing someone who made a daft noise, I’d be really tempted to mimic their noise just to piss them off. Or go all Tourettish and shout rude words every time I hit the ball: “slut!” “bitch!” “lardass!”
And “lardass” wouldn’t have been too far off the mark during this match. It’s been a long time since I watched any Wimbledon games but I do remember the female players always being really slim. In this match, the players were obviously very strong and fit but they were both carrying a fair few extra pounds too. The smaller of the two had loads of bra flubb and the other one had a muffin top the Fabulous Bakin’ Boys would be proud of. Obviously there was no wobble in their girdle-like tennis dresses but it did strike me as a bit odd that the person who won the match didn’t actually have a waist.
But who am I to point the finger when my muffin top is more like a pre-baked cottage loaf. Tennis anyone? Fyaaah!