It appears that some retailers have decided that it’s been long enough since we thought about Christmas shopping – after all, it has been a whole seven months since we took the decorations down, and actually a bit longer for those shops that took their decorations down before Christmas Eve so they could get their sales prepared, thereby making the high street look very un-festive indeed just when it ought to have been sparkling.
These retailers are money-grabbing joy-suckers. They turn what should be a lovely highlight in the middle of darkest winter into an endless pain in the arse.
Where it used to be wonderful to hear Christmas carols while scoffing all the strawberry creams from the Quality Street tin, before 25th December even comes around these days I’ve had it up to my antlers with Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer and whatever tune Marks & Spencer choose to jingle up their ads of Twiggy and chums in their hats, scarves and shiny knickers.
And what about those poor sales assistants? It’s only a matter of time until one of them goes ape-shit with the tinsel and starts garrotting any customer seen buying a pre-wrapped gift set. I wouldn’t blame them – there’s only so many times a person can hear Do they know it’s Christmas? before they snap and run around with a sawn-off coat hanger screaming that it’s not frigging Christmas – it’s not even autumn – it’s barely bloody August!
But collectively we can change things. If we join forces and refuse to buy any Christmas goods until a more appropriate time, in future years the shops will be forced to rethink their sales strategies. So, let’s avert any department store massacres by putting a stop to this midsummer madness and banning all signs of