Not even a week has passed since the idiots at NICE (the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence) told us that pregnancy clinics should be set up in schools and now they’re saying that fat people should be paid to lose weight and that smokers should be paid to quit.
Who the hell are these people who work at NICE? Do they actually inhabit the same world as the rest of us? They’re obviously not smoking porkers or they’d know that such schemes would only have a very short-lived success rate and would be wide open to abuse.
If smokers quit buying fags then they’re already financially better off and if looking good and being able to wear whatever you like isn’t enough of an incentive to lose the lard then a few quid certainly won’t be a greater one.
So as you really seem to need them NICE, here’s a few tips for you:
1) Use your powers to persuade the government to raise taxes on junk food.
2) Use those junk taxes plus all the money you want to spend on absurd projects such as this on subsidising healthy food and good quality free school dinners.
3) Work harder towards providing a better education for all children and then hopefully they’ll work out for themselves that getting knocked-up, lardy, or addicted to fags is a really dumb thing to do.
And if all that fails – stop worrying that we’re all so fat and unhealthy. With all the pension cutbacks doing the rounds these days hardly any of us can afford to live to be old anyway!